Friday, March 03, 2006
just got home from work.. i'm tired.. but above that, i miss her even more.. for that undescribed 12hours at motorola alone, all i think of was her... really wanted to go find her immediately after work.. but she got to sleep... yesterday, i did somethin terrible... dui bu ci... i made her cried yesterday.. my heart felt so pain that to the extend of exploding.. i dunno wad to do... i feel so... useless.. i told her that i'll jia you in ungrading myself.. go work, study better, and think more bout myself.. but it was until last nitez tt i found out that i cant work motorola.. i talked to her during every break i had.. i felt so so so much better when talkin to her at a corridor.. it was until the second time of my break that my phone went low batt and cut off the line so quickly b4 i could even hear a good bye from her... i was so sad... wanted to call her back.. but i have no friends there at all.. i cant even find a public phone.. i was late back to work cause of this... got a little lecture from some1 there.. but i didnt seem to care.. nothin went into my ear... it was then, every min, i'll think of her.. the things she said.. the things we did... and the times we had together.... i was still doin my work.. but my mind just cant stop thinkin bout her.. wonder if she slps already.. wonder wat she's doin, wonder wat she wanted to tell me... i cant forget that 4 hours in my house "ben dan...." during my last breaktime, i held my phone.. watchin the no batt phone.. i suddenly felt so lost... i cant help but started smoking... altogether starting from 12am, i smoked 6 sticks already.. i already tried to control le dear... hope u understand..
i'm really tired now.. my spine aches like shit.. but i just wanna say out how i feel rite now... yan lin is the best thing tt ever happen to me.. i really dunno tt we'll last not.. but for all i can say is.. i'll nv let her go 1st...... i'll go find another more flexible job that does not require to work so long.. i wanna talk to her every nite untill she falls aslp... wanna hear her laughter when i say somethin stupid... wanna tell her... i love her so much every day...
and u noe wat? my mom just got up.. and the moment she got up, she started to nag me... i'm not in the mood now.. mom... y u always pick the wrong time to scold me....? she nag not because i'm still not sleepin after work.. she nags me because i told her maybe i wanna quit... and look for some other jobs... she makes me even worse now...
but when i think of yanlin now... i suddenly felt better.. i'm not so frustrated anymore... u noe somethin...? she makes me feel that i wanna be different.. better... its like even somethin really bad happens to me... if she's around, i'll bound to be alright... whenever i see her, there is a undercribeble happiness... only she can does this... i'm just a nobody without her... xie xie ni.. and.. dui bu ci rang ni ku yesterday.. really.. i promise i will listen to watever u have for me and wan me to do..
7:07 AM